I cant express it
by Kotobukireji
Summary: Himora is a young,shy, beatiful girl who has had a rough child hood due to orochimaru and her new found village. But after a request for mini dinner date with the sands Kazakage and his siblings, her life evolves with him constantly on her mind as he starts to intrude on her life making her reconsider not to become a black op born to hate love.
1. Chapter 1

Himora layed across the paddock. Watching as each bird passed her singing a different harmony in her ear. She sighed, watching against the tree her comrades kaito and kimora fighting it out with their shuriken and taijutsu.

She had just been resigned as a student in the new recruits of the onbu black ops. It wasnt planned for her to join, seeing as though she trained under orochimaru for some time before being rescued by temari and her squad. She was only sixteen when she left and after four years, she still has the capacity to eliminate an entire squad. But she lacks social skills. She became very shy and lost total thought. But she was beautiful and admired by everyone around her.

She lived around the kazakages house as she became an wasn't used to it yet but she was thankful for all of it.

" I won kaito, guess im the better onbu than you." He teased.

Kinora scoffed pushing herself up with her knee. "Yea whatever my leg was flimsy. Another round!"

"Guys its already noon maybe we should to head back."himora says stuttering.

Kaito looked at himora. He pouted blushing looking away. "I...I guess we could leave now."

"Someone's turning red."

"I..I am not!"

Himora giggled. She looked to the side sticking out het finger for her blue canary ivy.

"Where we off to now himora san?" Ivy asked sitting on her shoulder.

"Back to the village. Im gonna check in with asuna and masaro sensei and see how there holding up." Himora exclaims excitedly.

Ivy sighed. "Well make sure you sound confident my dear. Your so quiet when you talk. You'll have trouble talking with the kazakage tonight."

Himora jumped up remembering she had a personal dinner date with the kazakage and his sibling's. It was planned that she introduces herself and explains the situation towards the kazakage himself. Shes been getting the impression from her friends that his face can be cold but with a gentle heart.

God she's hopes its true. Not like orochimaru...

Himora dropped off some flowers at asunas as a get well gift from anxiety once she reached the village and had just finished running an erran for masaro sensei picking up the latest edition of 'soul switched for love' series.

"I'll see you tomorrow sensei!" Himora said walking out.

Masaro followed behind her smiling. "Make sure you keep up with training. Say hello to the kazakage and hia siblings for me."

She gulped still pressured by the event. " yea I will. Goodbye now. " she bowed running away.

She reached her apartment walking up the last flight of stairs. She groaned happily finally being able to get back home from the rucuas and noise of the sand village.

She reaches door number 32. She held onto the doorknob.

"Huh? Its open..."

She pushed open the door worried. She took out a shuriken as ivy pocked herself back into her pocket.

She stepped into the entrance flicking the light on.

"HIMORA! !"

Kinora jumps out in front of himora joyfully. Himora gasp almost sticking the shuriken into her face. Thank heavens it wasn't a imposter.

Himora sighed putting the shuriken away as she starred at kinora.

"Is there anything you need?" She ask.

Kinora shakes her head as her arms twiddle against her sides chuckling to herself.

Himora became flustered. "W...what is it?"

"Oh...nothing its just a little birdie told me you were going on a date with the kazakage." She winked.

Himkra paused for a minute before realizing she said birdie.

Ivy...

"Its not really a date...its more like a get together to find out information about who I really am." She proclaims.

Kinora shakes her head in disbelief. "Youve gotta speak up more honey. I can barely hear you. Your so shy yet so pretty. Let your spark shine honey." She boast.

She smiles, removing her hands from her back holding a box with a white bow on top. It was huge with big letters saying 'himora' on it.

She blinked a couple of times. "F..for me?"

She nodded.

Himora gulped trying to contemplate wether she put a paper bomb or a clown in there.

She took the package cautiously walking into her lounge room. She turned on the light sitting in front of the coffee table. Kinora sat beside her grinning madly.

She carefully unwrapped the bow pulling the top off. Her eyes widened. A pink small dress with a hair pin sat inside along with a 'good luck' sign in it.

She turned towards kinora who looked at her happily. "So?..."

"Thankyou so much kinora!"she said practically jumping into her hugging her tightly.

Ivy popped out looking at the dress. "This will definitely show the sexy side of you miss himora."she explains.

Himora blushed before laughing alongside kinora.

She glanced at the dress. She was somehow excited to see him. Its not that she isn't still worried. But, this is like a date somehow ans its her very first.

Himora stood outside the restaurant looking at the paper in her looked up at the building before looking back down.

"Yup this is definitely the place." Ive examined himoras bad drawing.

She gulped clutching her swing bag tightly.

"Here I go."


	2. chapter 2

Himora walked in slouching down greeting her teeth in embarrassment.

"Keep your chin up young lady you mustn't-"

Ivy poked her head down noticing the waiter looking towards her. He stopped hiroma making her jolt.

"Im sorry but pets aren't allowed in here-"

He stopped. He turned around to see a boy with purple stripes along his face with a big grinn looking towards hiroma. She gulped trying to speak up.

"Dont worry she's with me.."he pointed out.

The man nodded as he joined hiromas side putting his arm out.

"Shall we?"

Hiroma kept quiet. She nodded placing her hand on top of his arm walking into the dining hall.

Hiroma shrieked at how many peoples eyes were at her direction, Especially men. She winced at the thought trying to posture herself right as they walked over to their table.

It was grand looking like it was reserved especially for them with candles sitting on top with champagne glasses everywhere. It was behind a glass tinted room seeing temari talking to the kazakage.

Ivy popped her head out gasping for air. "That wad close I thought I would be separated from you." She breaths in. You smile trying not to make it noticeable you were talking to a canary.

"Now make sure you direct yourself infront of hold back that magnificent voice you had when you were talking back to orochimaru." Ivy explains.

Hiroma nodded. She notice the sound of forks and plates die down once they entered the room.

Her eyes widened. She eyed the table down noticing how long it was until it reached the tip. The food and beverages were already set with complementary origami napkins along side.

"Miss toume your here!" Temari called out in suprise. Hiroma smiled as she embraced the hug before pulling away. Temari awe hiroma, her dress her black hair styled perfectly in a bun, she really looked good for a date.

"Hello temari, thanks for the invite. " himora said still shying in out.

Temari just giggled patting the back of hiromas back before looking at the boy next to her.

"Oi kankuro did you introduce yourself yet?" She asked.

He shrugged. "She's too cute to know who I am. I got caught off admiring hervi just didn't get to it. " he boasted winking at himora.

She giggled before turning around to the boy who was perched on the side twiddling his thumbs together annoyed.

Himora started to shake a bit feeling the different aura coming from him as she made an attempt to step forward. His eyes slowly lifted up, watching as she brought him to a stand still, looking at how beautiful she is.

She blushed trying to spot ivy's chakra presence so she could register herself a little.

"U..um hello lord kazakage-"

"It's gaara." He jerked.

Himora bit her lip cursing him in her brain as she bow in apologies.

"H..Hello gaara im himora toume a onbu black op trainee." She introduced herself once again.

He scoffed before looking back down at his food not paying attention.

Himora felt like she was being tested for her skill in public speaking which she failed when she was a chounin.

"Gaara show some courtesy will you, she's been through a lot just to be here with us." Temari said sticking up for her.

"Here you can sit next to me if you want." Kankuro pats the seat next to him. Himora Shakily nods walking towards the seat placing the bag down.

"So do you have any siblings as well?" He asked.

Himora shook her head but in truth nodded. She wasn't really her sibling since they didn't live together. But under the side superior of the sand village, kinora's father has classified himora as his daughter which makes kinora her sister.

"Well your lucky then, I have to deal with a pessimistic sister and a brother who goes through psm literally everyday. "

"Not to mention the brother who still runs around with toys." Temari mocks.

"There puppets ok? P.u.p.p.e.t.s puppets."

"Oh whatever still looks the same if you ask me."

They glared at each other angrily as gaara pouted bored. Himoras gaze caught on gaaras as she watched him, being all bored and depressed on the table. It was just like they said, he looks cold but has a softer side to himself somewhere. It wasn't like her to intrude but...he might actually be cute if he was nice.

Gaara saw himora looking and grimaced at her. "What?"

"U..uh nothing its just I...I could feel your chakra."She proclaims.

Gaaras eyes widen before looking away. Temari and kankuro sighed.

"He's a jinchuruki that's why his power is so recognizable when your close to him." Kankuro explains. "For example." He picked up a knife making himora jump back.

He threw the knife towards gaara. It was stuck in between a sand shield with gaara not once lifting a finger.

"His jinchuruki is like a protector of gaara in all truth."

The conversation dropped as the food was placed in front of them.

Himora squeaked a little, watching as the top chef food that in all honesty she would never be able to afford, sat infront of her waiting to be eaten.

Gaara smirked, watching her intently with utter amusement. She was far out of the ordinary to her. Shy but truly beautiful.

Himora looked up. flustered, looking back down.

Everyone began eating silently. It was a tense dinner with gaaras presence making it far worse for himora. She casually slipped her food to the side of her shoulder giving Ivy a nibble.

Kankuro sighed looking towards her. "Sorry to bring this up but I wad told you had been with orochimaru for eight years am I right?" He asked.

Himora gulped. "Y..yea that is true I was a captive for eight years there. I don't really recall much but, I remember staying in one of his rooms for most of it."

Temari nodded along. "So, you didn't really get to see much then?"

"N..no not exactly." Himora interject. "Orochimaru sama-I mean, orochimaru he'd trained with me giving me some of his strength to wield. I know that that hes a threat but during that time I thought og him as a big brother because of the way he always cared for me..until..." Himora dropped her head as Ivy popped up.

They all starred at her sincerely as the false memories of her childhood popped up again. She hated recalling it but it was something she had to tell in order to gain their trust.

"Miss Himora was a captive for eight years. She was provided food and shelter their because they wiped out her entire clan. Orochimaru took her in and decided to train her, making her a fine henchmen for his army. But then things started to change as he began developing experiments to test the further abilities of the 'okama' clans ornatori arm seeing how much chakra can be moved to it." Ivy explained saddened at the fact of her master going through that.

Himora looked up at her amazed yet shocked she was telling them every detail.

"They experimented with adding poison to her arm seeing if the ornatori chakra would prevent the poison from sinking deep into effected her health badly as it began to spread hitting her vital chakra points."

Temari gripped her knife tightly. "That heartless bastard.."

"Then he...he..." Ivy looked down. Himora catched ivy's glance. "He did a sexual experiment involving the loss of her virginity. "

There eyes widened all shocked to see such a young girl already a non virgin.

"Ivy thats enough-"

"No himora, they need to know the truth about the evil behind orochimaru. You don't know how it felt watching you everyday rub your stomach in pain and scrapping your arm for some sort of relaxation." Ivy staggered as himora gasped shocked.

"I hated orochimaru from the very beginning. I prayed every night for your escape for some sort of hope so you could be free of that burden of a curse mark. I was so glad when temari squad swarmed the building were he abandoned you. They rescued you and took you in-"

"Ivy stop that's enough!"

Everyones eyes pinned to her as she stood up clenching her fist together angrily. She hated the bacl talk of orochimaru. But then again it was all true.

Kankuro spoke up."Himora?..."

She blushed realizing she had cause everyone to worry again.

"I.. sorry I.. ." She couldn't say anymore, she walked out of the room.

Temari shot up."Himora wait!-"

Gaara stopped her placing his hand on her shoulder.

"I'll go you stay here."

* * *

><p>Himora sat outside the restaurant all worked up with eye liner dripping down onto her cheeks damaging her skin. She couldn't stand it when people offended orochimaru like that. As much as all the crimes and deeds he has done, she just can't forget about the generosity and kindness he showed when she was almost at the brink of insanity.<p>

"Himora."

Himora jumped up in suprise. She slowly turned around noticing Gaara with his masculine toned arms crossed infront of his chest. His face was stern which scared himora thinking she's about to receive a ten minute lecture. So much for a good impression ivy was talking about. She's started this uneasy feel inside her.

She stuttered. "G. ..."

"Aren't you a onbu black op?" He interject.

Himora gulped looking back at her knees. She scrunched her head into her knee caps hiding her face away.

"A onbu black op is not allowed to love or show consideration to anyone except for the people inside the corps. Am I wrong?"

Hiroma didn't reply. She felt like her self awareness is was beginning to die down in a corner.

Himora grinned sadisticly."Your right, im not compatible with being an onbu."

"No himora your own mind is not compatible with that type of burden." He walked up to himora joining her side to side. She glanced up watching as he took his seat alongside her.

They stayed there, both starring out into the constellations. Himora felt uncomfortable. Sitting next to the hokage. He didn't really give off the personality of a hokage. He felt more calm and more like...a friend.

But even so. She couldn't be rude to him even if she already was at boiling point.

"Hokage sama-"

"Gaara." He corrected.

"Gaara. Im sorry for being a nuisance back then." Himora apologies flustered a little.

Gaara kept quiet. He watched from the side looking at her from the his point of view.

Himora blushed caressing the tip of her finger on her cheek up and down. She hadn't realise how gaara could be so cold yet somehow really beautiful in his own way. But she couldn't think like that right now. Shes learning to become a anbu black op.

Gaara snickered. "You really just can't reject it." He coughed.

"Reject it?"

"Love. An onbu is forbidden to love another for certain reasons on the battlefield. But you just can't hide it."he smirks

Himora coughs a little peeved. "Well I...its my first time so cut me some slack."

"Slack? I don't recall hearing a trainee of orochimarus give in so easily. Huh what a difference."

Himora pouted her lips. "Why is he so rude? To think he was nice..." she thought.

Then, she felt gaaras hand caress her cheek making her blush. His hands were so smooth, so inviting, so...warm. His black eyeing eyes starred at her so blankly it was such a turn on. But she couldn't.

" ...were outside..." she stuttered embarrassed as the few kids with mums pointed and starred.

Gaara didnt care. He just chuckled, shifting himself closer to you with his hand wrapped around your waist. You blushed noticing a sand cover burying you and gaara from the outside world only leaving a hint of light from the moonlight whole.

Himora began to come fidgety as he flick one hair string away from her face.

She stuttered. "G..gaara w..what are you doing?"

He leaned his head closer to her ear. She gulped nearly starting a twinkle of sweat on her forhead. She breathed in, feeling the immense chakra merging from his body. He was so close right now, he was so irritable but...

"If your a true onbu black op, you would'nt be so tempted to touch me right?"

Himoras eyes widened. His lips were pushed against her hastily with his hands moving around her back. She tried to push back but his pleasurable kisses were so ravishing, it was completely different then what she had with orochimaru. She shouldn't be doing this with him. Hes the hokage, and she's an anbu black op trainee. She shouldn't love. But hes aura is so...

She slowly wrapped her hands around him shifting her knees on his lap. He grinned inbetween kisses licking her bottom lip asking to enter. She allowed, opening wide as his tongue latched out for hers. They were in heat. Feeling their arms all over each other with their mouths in hot fiery silva mixing their lust.

His lips felt nice. Plumped lips with the pre wetness of her. She loved his taste. But she knew this wasn't good for her. But why can't she stop?

He moaned."..hiroma..." as he felt her knee grind against his area roughly.

He kissed her one last time before pulling away. She whimpered at the loss of friction.

The sand barrier came down as gaara stood up. Himora blushed pulling her strap up noticing everyone was beginning to walk out of the restaurant.

Himora was burning with blushes looking back up to gaara. He smirked walking down the ramp.

He turned around. His expression was different than before with a more warm feeling to it. "You can never give up on love, hiroma."


End file.
